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Would You Rather?

A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out

ebook
2 of 2 copies available
2 of 2 copies available
A collection of poignant, relatable essays from the author of Never Have I Ever about coming out in her late twenties, entering into her first relationship, and figuring out what it means to be an adult.
When Katie Heaney published her first book of essays, chronicling her singledom up to age twenty-five, she was still waiting to meet the right guy. Three years later, a lot changed. For one thing, she met the right girl.
        
Here, for the first time, Katie opens up about realizing at the age of twenty-eight that she is gay. In these poignant, funny essays, she wrestles with her shifting sexuality and identity, and describes what it was like coming out to everyone she knows (and everyone she doesn’t). As she revisits her past, looking for any “clues” that might have predicted this outcome, Katie reveals that life doesn’t always move directly from point A to point B—no matter how much we would like it to.
In a warm and relatable voice, Katie tackles everything from the trials of dating in New York City to the growing pains of her first relationship, from obsessing over Harry Styles (because, actually, he does look a bit like a lesbian) to learning to accept herself all over again. Exploring love and sexuality with her neurotic wit and endearing intimacy, Katie Heaney shares the message that it’s never too late to find love–or yourself.
Praise for Would You Rather?

“[Katie] Heaney’s not afraid to examine her past for ‘clues’ to what she realizes is her truth in the present, and reflects on her changing identity with honesty and wit.”NYLON
 
“An honest, endearing, and laugh-out-loud account of coming to terms with one’s sexual identity.”W Magazine
Would You Rather? is an extraordinarily generous and affecting book. Katie Heaney has written something with a remarkable amount of room in it—enough for anyone to spread out and connect with. It’s deeply felt, clear-eyed, joyful, and illuminating.”—Mallory Ortberg, author of Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters
 
“Whether you’re single or in a relationship, whether you’re queer, straight, or questioning, whether or not you’re partial to Harry Styles—you will discover something relatable and self-affirming in this honest, heartfelt, hilarious memoir.”—Camille Perri, author of The Assistants
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    • Publisher's Weekly

      November 6, 2017
      Heaney follows Never Have I Ever, a memoir about her dismal experiences dating men in her mid-20s, with an uneven second memoir in which she explores her attraction to women and describes how she settled into millennial lesbian-partnered bliss. Heaney offers her mostly unoriginal reactions to depictions of lesbians in the media (e.g., she was drawn to the characters in the television show The L Word) and to celebrities (“Queer girls who are into Harry Styles is a definite thing,” she writes on the topic of her male celebrity crush). Her analysis of her elementary school crushes is not all that revealing, as for example when she looks at the breasts of a foreign-exchange student staying with her family for “just a beat too long.” Heaney is most thoughtful when musing about her small-scale celebrity, which resulted from the success of her first memoir, and the “confessional responsibility” she has to her readers to inform them that she is no longer the person they read about in that book. As with her first book, this one feels undercooked; Heaney’s stories are fun and uplifting, but they lack introspection.

    • Kirkus

      December 15, 2017
      A series of essays that document the difficult task of self-acceptance.After years without a relationship or a stable sexual preference, former BuzzFeed editor Heaney (Dear Emma, 2016, etc.) decided to take matters into her own hands and go at the same speed as her feelings--frantically, somewhat aimlessly--toward the uncertain question that loomed over her head: am I gay? It started with a feeling of displacement. "This world," she writes, "in its forceful femaleness, was something that greatly appealed to me. I did not feel a part of it, but I found myself longing to be." Then the author discovered The L Word, an all-female TV show centered around the lives of gay women. Quickly, Heaney's desire increased. While in graduate school at the University of Minnesota, Heaney had her first girl crush, which ultimately opened the doors of her desire and allowed her to feel something real for another woman. The author organizes the book in essays, or extended moments, punctuated by brief memos in which she describes various interactions with women throughout her life. Though Heaney provides a singular look at the experience of coming out, the essays often feel predictable. For example: "I was fascinated by lesbians being lesbians and talking about lesbians, to a degree that didn't seem fitting for someone who now identified as one herself." Sometimes, Heaney seems to be living according to a guidebook of expectations of what lesbians are supposed to feel, act like, and talk about, based on a society that more often than not limits their liberties. Furthermore, the author's voice, though relatable, is too frequently self-congratulatory. She discusses her previous memoir, Never Have I Ever (2014), so many times that readers might lose interest in wanting to read it.A quirky book that unfortunately does not help further the dialogue about the difficult experience of coming out.

      COPYRIGHT(2017) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

    • Booklist

      February 1, 2018
      Heaney's second memoir (Never Have I Ever, 2014) is an introspective account of recognizing her sexual orientation. She writes about the first times she thought she might not be 100-percent straight, crushes that she only recognized in retrospect, and the process of realizing at 28 that she wanted to date women. In chapters proceeding roughly chronologically, she addresses first love, finding community, and finally understanding how friendships change once you're part of a couple. One chapter describes living with her best friend after graduate school, and another is devoted to her love for One Direction and Harry Styles. Heaney also touches on the experience of writing her first memoir and her concern that, now that she's out, fewer readers will be able to relate to her. Heaney's personality shines through in her conversational style as she examines the ways her understanding of relationships and love evolved over the course of her twenties. Readers will enjoy following along on her journey, whether or not they've already found love for themselves.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2018, American Library Association.)

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  • English

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