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Leaving

How I Set Myself Free from an Abusive Marriage

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1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available
Raised by two loving parents in New Delhi, India, Kanchan Bhaskar has always been taught that marriage means companionship, tenderness, and mutual respect—so when she enters into an arranged marriage, this is the kind of partnership she anticipates with her new, seemingly wonderful, husband. But after they marry, she quickly discovers that his warmth is deceptive—that the man beneath the bright, charming façade is actually a narcissistic, alcoholic, and violent man.
Trapped in a nightmare, Kanchan pleads with her husband to seek help for his issues, but he refuses. Meanwhile, Indian law is not on her side, and as the years pass, she finds herself with three children to protect—three children she fears she will lose custody of if she leaves. Almost overnight, she finds herself transformed into a tigress who will do whatever it takes to protect her cubs, and she becomes determined to free them from their toxic father. But it's not until many years later, when the family of five moves from India to the United States, that Kanchan is presented with a real opportunity to leave him—and she takes it.
Chronicling Kanchan's gradual climb out of the abyss, little by little, day by day, Leaving is the empowering story of how—buoyed by her deep faith in a higher power and single-minded in her determination to protect her children best—she fought relentlessly to build a ramp toward freedom from her abuser. In this memoir, Kanchan clearly lays out the tools and methods she utilized in her pursuit of liberation—and reveals how belief in self and belief in the Universe can not only be weapons of escape but also beautiful foundations for a triumphant, purpose-driven life.
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    • Kirkus

      In this memoir, Bhaskar recollects her escape from an abusive marriage. Bhaskar grew up in New Delhi enchanted by the example of her parents' marriage, one characterized by not just love, but also a sense of equality and mutual respect. She envisioned herself married to someone sophisticated and modern as well as educated and "emotionally balanced." As a result, once she married Vijay in 1980--she was in her early 20s at the time--she was unprepared for the kind of life she was compelled to lead. Almost immediately, he revealed himself as a man of bottomless immoderation--he was an alleged incorrigible drunk inclined to bouts of verbal assault and physical violence. She left him multiple times but repeatedly returned after his effusive apologies and promises to reform. However, those promises always turned out to be empty, and his physical abuse continued even after she bore three children, a predicament chillingly described by the author. She considered divorce, but that option was all but impossible given the legal and cultural climate in India, which was heavily patriarchal: "This stark truth came as a jolt. Divorce at the age of twenty-four meant giving up my daughter, as I would be expected to remarry. If I didn't, I'd risk harassment of various kinds, including sexual in nature, at all levels of society, not only by men but also by women."Bhaskar movingly recounts her struggle to protect herself and her children from what she describes as the frightening volatility of her husband and her quest to finally achieve some measure of independence from him, financially and otherwise. She chronicles her longing for some kind of spiritual solace in the wake of the divorce she finally secured and articulates a worldview that is unfortunately communicated in the vague language of New Age spirituality: "Belief in self + belief in the Universe � belief in spirituality = nirvana." Bhaskar's story is cinematically dramatic--the danger she faced on a daily basis is astonishing, and her perseverance to overcome it is admirable. She intelligently conveys how a thoughtful, independent woman could become trapped in such a grim cycle of debasement and duped multiple times by the allure of false hope. Moreover, she gives a rigorous account of the patriarchal dominance that typifies Indian society, one that made her abuse at the hands of her husband not only legally possible, but also morally permissible. Last but not least, she illuminates some of the pitfalls of arranged marriages so prevalent in India, where spouses might not be properly vetted even by the most lovingly protective and diligent of parents. Bhaskar's memoir culminates in a discussion of her search for spiritual peace. Unfortunately, this is the weakest part of the book, as her language lapses into hazy but blandly familiar territory: "I am breathing but not alive. The euphoric feeling is so soothing that I remain in bliss and harmony for hours. This is my identity, my being. This is who I am, in touch with my soul for these brief moments, in a pure state of surrender." Nonetheless, despite such minor flaws, this is still a captivating tale poignantly related. A gripping story of one woman's self-emancipation from marital despotism.

      COPYRIGHT(2023) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. (Online Review)

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